


Light & Shadow

by LylissMorrinz



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Before Deckerstar, Fluff and Angst, Major Original Character(s), Multi, Original Character-centric, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Original Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-04 19:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18349766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LylissMorrinz/pseuds/LylissMorrinz
Summary: 2011, the Devil comes to L.A. for everlasting vacations. His steps will lead him to meet a certain Detective in a few years... But what happened before that? What was his life? Who did he meet? What light, what shadow was cast on his life? What of the ones he himself cast?Will the ephemeral encounters leave indelible traces?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> So this is my first ever fic in english, i'm french so non native speaker! Please accept my apology for any weirdness you might encounter while reading my scribbles! =D
> 
> It's in the tags, but I really want to warn you : there will be NO Deckerstar here. This takes place during the 5 years before Lucifer even meets Chloe. I'm used to write original stories and no fanfiction, so it's truly a first go for me and my twisted brain had to come up with an original character to tell this story. So obviously, it's "OC POVed" and it kinda will be all about the OC. So please if you don't like non canonical stuff disrupting our beloved show, don't read this. I did try to make sure that what is happening can be intertwined with the story of the series later on though. I hope you’ll enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Leslie and Ellie who betaed this prologue. :)

So.  
This… This is the story of my mistake.  
I must admit I still don’t know when it began to get so messed up. When the first mistake was done. When I hit the point of no return.  
Was it today? When I broke my vow?  
Was it at the beginning? When I first decided to go meet him?  
Somewhere in between?  
Or was it even before that?  
Was this planned, written, foretold?  
Did He know? I guess not but… He IS omnipotent. Anyhow, why would He care?  
And Her…? She must have.

I guess this won’t make any sense to anyone, not even to me if I don’t start the story from the beginning. But where to put this beginning? One might say “just start by telling us who you are,” but that’s just it. He made me who I am. For I was no one before meeting him. I was…  
A prank.  
Badly played.  
Just an illusion. Passing by.  
Fading away like a dream in the bright morning light.  
  
  
I am not human.

_(Hopefully no human will stumble on these thoughts! If you are human, just put that down, like right now. I’d appreciate it. If you don’t, well… You had it coming.)_

To be honest, I am not any kind of celestial being either. No demon, no angel, no nothing. A prank, I’m telling you.

A soulless one too. Or soulful. Depends on how you think of it. That’ll make sense in time.

  
So!  
Not human. And yet, I have walked the Earth for more times than I want to remember. I’ve seen lives born and die, I’ve made friends that faded away in the blink of an eye, I’ve witnessed humanity tearing itself apart for nothing and rising together in the most unexpected ways, again and again and again. It has always felt like I was walking in slow motion amidst a hurricane. Not able to take root anywhere. Not able to be scarred by this lively storm. Oh, how I would have died for a permanent scar on my skin, in my heart, a little mark proving their reality could impact me. Anything to fill in the void. The emptiness inside. I did meet some of them for whom I deeply and tenderly cared, but they were ripped from me so quickly… I even wonder if they even left scratches at the time. Their names are long gone now.

How ironic now that I’m struggling with this huge open wound in my heart that won’t stop bleeding out and I don’t even know how to deal with it!

After all this time, have I learned nothing?

  
  
Well, this was me at the time.

I had just woken up again from this lifeless slumber the angels had brought upon me more than a century ago.

Let’s make a hold here to clarify something.

I never understood why they kept trying. I mean this fight between us has been going on for millennia, I get it! Their dear old Dad wants me gone and for good. Well, had He been more caring with His family, maybe I wouldn’t have “happened”! They got to me so many times, “killed” me, “destroyed” me so many times… But I kept “waking up” eventually. And He kept sending them eventually. I mean, Amenadiel was fun to escape from at first, but then… Then they teamed up. There was nothing divine in those hunts. This last time, when I knew they came down, I’d had it. I just surrendered (almost) peacefully. I knew it would just sort of “pause” me and that I’d be back again sometime. Laughing at their fierce faces and wondering how long they’ll wait to come at me again.

But this time was different.

They got me in Russia _(ever heard of the Toungounska? I can tell you there was no meteor of any kind in that damned forest)_ and yet as always, I woke up in a totally different part of this old planet. But fading out amongst the silent icy trees and waking up on a bench, in the middle of the hot and noisy hive that is Los Angeles _(oh the irony in that name…)_ , that was a first!

  
  
LA… 2011. Eight years ago. I still remember the blurry images, the strong scents, the deafening sounds. People shouting, laughing, crying, honking, the music everywhere, the bright light of the midday sun, its burning heat, the heavy scent of fries and homelessness, the heady perfume of marijuana, its smoke mingling with the pollution from the cars… I wasn’t dizzy, I was drunk!

103 missing years. Not the best ones I eventually found out. I had had my share of huge wars and was glad to have skipped those ones. This was the longest I had been “away”. Maybe, I thought, maybe, this time will be new. People and their laws seemed to have loosen up, put their misguided beliefs aside to just enjoy themselves. They were all new to me, the last ones I had met were long dead. My curiosity was growing.

I had my fun trying out all the new technologies and useless weird creations that popped up in some of humanity’s most deranged brains (I’m still wondering the point of this thingy they name fidget spinner to be honest). And yet… New place, new people, new environment but deep inside, same old dreams. In less than a month I had my bearings like I had been there all my life (and that’s quite a long time as we established before). The curiosity faded away to be replaced by the void again and I was there, wandering from drug to drink, wondering what to do, what to feel. My head and heart were as empty as my glass and I couldn’t find a point to this existence. I was this close to try praying to see if it would bring Amenadiel’s gang down, so I could get it over with.

 

Maybe that was the first mistake. Maybe I should have prayed. I wouldn’t have met him, met them. But I didn’t pray.

 

I didn’t, because sitting just next to me in that bar were two gorgeous ladies talking and I eavesdropped and heard just one sentence that slightly hooked my curiosity. But it was enough. The damage was done.

“I’m telling you! He looks deep into your eyes, like this, with a huge smile on his face, and asks you ‘what is it that you truly desire?’ and then, I don’t care who you are, you just HAVE to tell him your deepest secret. And he fulfills it! He’s amazing! And handsome! And sooooo good in bed. You gotta go to Lux, honey!”  
  
_What is it that I truly desire?_

The girls kept babbling but I wasn’t listening anymore. The question stuck with me. Haunted me.

_What is it that I truly desire?  
_

Right away, I had so many answers to that question. But I knew they weren’t mine. I tightly closed my eyes, putting down my burning forehead on the cool counter. Focusing. I tried to silent these voices, hush them, to clear my mind to get to that precious honest answer lying deep down.

 _What is it that I truly desire?_  
What is it that I… I, me, what is it that I truly desire?

“I BLOODY DON’T KNOW!”

From the silence in the pub I could guess I had yelled that out loud. Actually, I also knocked my glass so hard on the counter I shattered it. I mumbled a fast apology before turning to the ladies.

“Hey. Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I just overheard you talking about that guy who can pull out your desire, and I wondered, who’s that? Where can I find him?”

I remember quite accurately how the girl who had spoken studied me for a whole minute before answering.

“I guess you too can try your luck. To be honest, if you didn’t look so much like a tramp, you’d be pretty gorgeous with that hair.”

I frowned, lost between the insult and the compliment.

“He’s a new nightclub owner in town, giving out favors. He’s been there a couple of months now. The place is called the Lux. It’s a place with high standards so you really need to buy yourself some decent clothes if you want in.”

It was her turn to frown while standing up. She ended her explanation, turning her back on me, leaving with her friend without another look.

“You’ll be looking for Lucifer Morningstar.”

I froze as the door slammed behind them.

 _Lu…ci…fer?  
Lucifer bloody Morningstar?  
You gotta be kidding me! This can’t be…  
What in the name of all the stars would the Devil himself be doing on Earth, running a nightclub?  
_  
Of course, throughout the times I knew he liked to pass by, but he never stayed and less owned any earthly property! We never crossed paths before, I don’t know how or why but most of his times on Earth were during my deadly slumbers. Yet, I still wondered. Could this be a joke? Another human pretending to be divine? Another false prophet?  
  
_Alright, consider my curiosity officially hooked. Let’s check that fellow out, prayer is still on the table anyway if he is the disappointment I imagine him to be,_ I thought to myself while leaving the pub.  
It’s an easy guess really. How many times would I be proven wrong in the aftermath!

 

I knew how humans can be picky about their appearance, so I followed the advice, got cleaned up, bought a nice punky short and a back-laced tank top. All black. Always black. Same for the knee-length biker boots. I thought of tidying up my hair, but I couldn’t come to terms with it. It had always been free, so I let it run wild as ever, down to my hips. A thin black line of make-up around my eyes and that was it. Then, I went to the Lux. And stalled across the street, watching people coming in and out of the night-club.

Regular humans. Regular dreams. Nothing divine or devilish here.

The third night, the bouncer went up to me with a big mocking grin.

“Whatcha doin’ out there starin’ like a fierce wild cat? You want in or not?”  
“I don’t have any money.” Was the first excuse I found.  
“Girl, you’re hot enough to melt the whole of the ice caps by yourself, the boss won’t mind! I bet he might even thank me! Your entry’s on me. Come on!

The man waved his hand to the club, stopped the cars so we could cross the road, lifted the black velvet cord over my head and shoved me in with a wink.

“Have fun!”  
  
  
 _Well. Guess another drink won’t harm me. Let’s meet this so called “Lucifer”._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this little prologue! I hope you enjoyed it ! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Ellie for betaing this chapter and bearing with me through all my tedious questions!
> 
> And thank you to you all for bearing with my OC! <3  
> I know OCs can be unsettling, so thank you for your trust and interest! It means a lot!  
> I wish you a good reading ! ;)

The Lux.  
Oooh, the Lux.  
My heart grows heavy in my chest as I remember. How I miss this place! The everlasting nights, the never-ending days, the hypnotic lights, the drinks, rivers of them, the dancers and the dances, the songs, pausing time to ease the burden of our lives, carrying us along on the path of pure and simple happiness, the piano… and Maze. _(Here’s to that bleeding wound, oh Mazikeen, I’m so sorry.)_  
  
The second I went in, I knew. I knew this was not another “night-club with high standards”. I knew this was the place to let all the delightful sins come out without shame. I knew this was not engineered by another disappointing human.  
A shiver rolled down my spine. I turned my gaze down the stairs, to the right. Our eyes met. We both immediately understood that neither of us was human. She frowned, and I escaped. But now I knew. This was really the Devil’s lair. And he’d brought his own personal demon with him.

 

Maybe, just maybe, I was not going to be Amenadiel’s priority for once. This thought amused me. Picturing the sulky first angel pestering after his own brother.  
I still had this haunting question hovering in my mind though, with its out of reach answer, but “Lucifer” was the one angel I had never met. And what an angel! A fallen one, vilified as the Devil, torn away from his family and abandoned, all alone in Hell. I might have felt sorry for him if he hadn’t been another bloody angel. I knew his like. Could not trust them. Would not trust him. Not in the slightest.

Another mistake of course. An honest one for anyone with my experience with angels. But a meaningless one for a non-lasting one.

 

I hid. For an hour or so. Then went back carefully and sat, hidden behind humans, at a safe distance from the bar where the demon was. The piano was playing joyfully. A deep and warm voice rising from the melody, soothing any hard feeling. This is when I laid my eyes on him for the very first time.  
Now I know he never noticed me that night. He was so deep in his music, so clueless to be everything I loathed, I had a rush of hate tighten my heart. How could this fallen angel enjoy peacefully what Amenadiel and his siblings had always tried to prevent me from living? A calm, forgetful life, to care about myself and only myself. Wasn’t he supposed to be punished too? This was not irony, this was taunting. My vision went all blurry, from rage or tears or both, I cannot remember. I left Lux that night with a lump in my throat I’ve never felt before. And yet, had I listened carefully, I would have heard what truly came from him that night. What he was trying to silence under the ivory keys. But this would have to wait for a later date.

I went back, eventually. It took me the entire day to figure out that angel or not, Devil or not, he was really the last one that might be able to help me find any meaning. So, I put aside my resentment and hid in the shadows of the night-club for the next three days. I wanted to study him and his ways before even considering talking to him. I eventually stop caring about it at all. That is… after being freaked out by Amenadiel coming down to ask Lucifer back in Hell. Apparently, he was doing that a lot and it was really pissing off the Devil. Maybe the family’s rebellious son wasn’t so free after all. After Amenadiel’s visit, I felt more at ease, safer even to know he wasn’t already looking for me. I went back to my sitting spot for a few more days of observing, analyzing. Until a neat vodka martini landed on the table just under my nose, despite my careful avoidance of the counter and its demonic bartender.

“You do know I was watching you all week long, right?”

 She sat next to me, her own drink in her hand, staring right into my eyes with a sardonic look. For a demon, she was surely most beautiful. All tightly leathered up, her dark locks brushing her shoulders sensually. Smokey eyes sparkling with a hint of lust and defiance. She was my first demon and I wondered where the deviousness was hidden in such a superb appearance. Her voice was soft and yet bluntly sharp.

“You’re not human.”

 Understatement of the century. It wasn’t even a question.

“But I don’t know what you are. I thought of finding that out over your dead body, but you looked so miserable… I just let it go. Although, when I saw how quickly you hid from Amenadiel, I guessed it might be fun to come and have a talk. So. Talk. What the hell are you? What do you want from Lucifer?”  
“Maybe I just wanted to enjoy the music.” I didn’t even believe myself, that demon could only laugh at me and so she did.  
“AH! Seriously? Girl, you’ve been sulking in this booth for days, not taking your eyes off him, while everyone around you was having fun. Start talking.”  
“I…” I sighed. “I don’t know, really. I guess I just wanted to ask him a question and wondered if it was worth it. Anyway, thanks for the drink, it’s my favorite.”

 I took a sip and closed my eyes, focusing on the alcohol sliding down my throat. What was I doing here? _This was a bad idea_.

“I know.”

I opened my eyes. She was smiling.  
There was something about her I couldn’t grasp. Something wild and exciting and yet I felt at home.

“Stop brooding. Just ask him,” said the demon, eyeing someone over my head.  
“Hellooo... What have you got us here, Maze?”

 I froze as he turned around the couch to face me.

_Really? I know he’s the Devil, but enhancing the “hell” in “hello” with such a playful tone, isn’t it a bit much?_

“There’s something off about you, honey… What’s wrong?” he asked me, all smiles.  
“She’s not human.”

_That was bluntly dropped. Thanks “Maze” …_

He frowned, still staring at me. I added quickly.

“Not celestial either. Don’t worry Mister Morningstar, I’m not here to budge you about being on Earth or anything. I couldn’t care less to be honest.”  
“She did hide from Amenadiel the other night. Quite well too!” confirmed Maze with a laugh of approval. I smiled back at her.  
“Did she? And what is it you desire, miss “not-human”?” He asked, suspiciously.

 My attention went back to him, hearing the question again, and I took the leap of faith. I stood up and began pacing around him, trying to explain.

“That’s it! That’s precisely the point. Well, I mean, I heard you give out favors, so I might need one. I need a favor. A simple one really. I’ve seen how you draw out everyone’s desire with your devilish mojo thingy and that’s what I need. I need you to ask me the question.”

 I stopped and looked him right into his deep blackishly brown eyes, but I was so focused on my thoughts I was looking without truly seeing him.

“I’ve tried to find an answer by myself, but I can’t. It gets stuck or… I don’t know what, but it won’t come out. So… I thought… you might be able to help.”

 I focused back on his face. His… frozen face with one raised eyebrow? Behind him, Maze had raised both. They were silently staring at me, not moving an inch. I even wondered if Amenadiel wasn’t back with an improvement of his time slowing power, affecting them both. What had got into them?

“What? Oh. Yeah. Favor comes from both sides I guess. Well. I don’t have anything apart from…”

 I looked around me, searching for something that seemed like an honest proposal. Then it struck me. He was the Devil after all.

“Well. Apart from me. I’ve seen how you enjoy your shagging nights so… I’m all yours, if you’ll have me. Then I’ll stop bothering you and you won’t hear from me again, promise.”

 His eyes widened as he burst out a quick laugh. Behind him, Maze was shaking her head, clearly amused.

“I would NEVER ask for sex in return of a favor. I don’t need too.” He grinned.  
“Yeah, I got it, you’re all devilishly handsome and magnetic, I admit I feel it right inside my bones. But guess what? I am also one of a kind, neither human, celestial, nor demonic, and I’m pretty sure you’re the curious type. I might even add I don’t really care for sex, so you can be all charming as you like, it’s pleasant, but not gonna work on me. Also, I really want to get all of this over with as fast as I can, so let’s seal both our ends of the deal tonight and be done with it. What do you say?”

 He turned to Maze, and they exchange a bemused yet amused look.

“I like her. Can we keep her, Lucifer?”

_Really?_

“How can you not care for sex, though?” she asked. “You do realize offering yourself while saying that isn’t really arousing right?”

 She took a sip from her drink while Lucifer sat next to her. I was standing alone across the table, in front of both of them. This looked like a trial of some sort. It was my turn to be bemused.

“I… just never tried.”

 I waved my hand to dismiss this pointless subject, but Maze almost spat out her drink.

“How long have you been on Earth already?!”  
“Millennia. Listen, I don’t…”  
“No, no, no! I can’t believe that, what have you been doing all this time?! Millennia on Earth without even trying? Dull!”  
“Yeah, you kinda need to be at least two for this so…”  
“Err, no, that’s called masturbation sweetheart.”

 I glanced back at her, frowning at her scornful tone, then turn to Lucifer.

“Can we just go back to my favor? I’ll ask again: what do you say?”  
“Apart from your preposterous proposition, simply that I’ve just asked you and you didn’t seem to be affected at all. Which questions me to what you really are.”  
“What?! When?! No, I wasn’t really into it. Do it again! Please. Please, Mister Morningstar, I’m sure it’ll work. It has to.” I ended in a whisper, shaken.

 My distress at nearly missing my chance must have shown too much for he was glancing back at me with inquisitive eyes.

“Alright, I can try again if it means that much, but we need to settle your end of the bargain, then. I help you find out what you truly desire and you…”

He detailed me with an intense look and a mischievous smile.

“You’re right. I’m curious. Let’s do this.”  
“Lucifer!”

 Maze protested but he was already standing up, coming to me, hooking my eyes into his with a hypnotizing smile.

“Tell me then, what is it that you truly desire?”  
“I…”

 Deep down, somewhere amidst my chaos, I felt a pull, like a weight struggling to get out. I was lost in the dark ocean of his eyes, mumbling soft sounds, trying to assemble them into words. It was just there, heading toward him, it would be so good to confess. I didn’t get anymore why I wouldn’t trust him, after all, he was so pleasant! I sensed the chaos settle down, peace in my heart for once, clearing my mind. I sighed, maybe he could get it out.

“Yes? Tell me, I know you want to.”  
“I…”

 I frowned. It was just there, but still stuck. I knew I should tell him, and yet…

“One of the complicated ones, it seems. Everything’s alright, honey. You can tell me. You know you’ll feel lighter. This is why you wanted to come to me, right? To tell me.”

 He was still grinning. Oh, that devilish grin! Of course, I could tell him. It was obvious now. He was the right one to tell this deepest desire I had… To tell him that… That…  
Then it struck me. I was surrounded by the peaceful darkness of his eyes, it was safe, I knew it was, but the only thing I could see, that weight I pictured… was his eyes, his soul, pouring into me, like every other one. Again. It fell back down, bringing back the havoc, like a boulder falling into the peaceful pond, raising waves of chaos. My voice broke and I felt my pupils shrinking with despair.

“I…”  
“Yes?”  
“I. Don’t. KNOW!”

 It felt like these words were ripped out of my chest. I gasped for air, closing my eyes, turning my back on him. Two tears of confusion rolled down my cheeks as I opened my eyes again, trying to find my breath back.

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I just don’t know!”

 This last one was a moan. I looked back at them with dry eyes, filled with desperate anger against myself, against this bloody prank from which I was, truly, the first victim. If this didn’t work, then nothing would and that meant I really had no purpose in this world. Maze had stood up and come to Lucifer’s side. They were both staring at me, bewildered.

“That’s definitively a first,” she said.  
“Why don’t I know? How can I not know?”

 I took a deep breath, closed my eyes again for a few seconds and calmed down.

“Sorry. It’s not your fault. It worked, I felt it. I’m just as empty as I thought I was. Well. Now, I have proof. Thank you for that anyway. I guess it’s my turn to fulfill our bargain now.”  
“Hold up.” Lucifer raised his hand. “What bargain? I was supposed to help you find your answer and you don’t seem to have gotten any closer to that.”  
“What? Yeah, you did. The answer is that there is no answer. Simple as that.” I shrugged, my throat still painfully tightened.

 He smiled at me like I was a mistaken child learning an important lesson.

“Honey, we all have an answer to that question.” He emphasized the “all”.  
“Even your demon here?”  
“Yeah, even me! What’s your point?”  
“I thought… maybe it’s because I’m soulless. But demons are too, right?”  
“You don’t have a soul?” She frowned in disbelief.  
“Maybe it’s time to tell us who and what you are. Not here though.” Lucifer pointed to the elevator.  
“Why’d you care? I’ll just find a hole deep in the ground and wait for your brother to find me again. I won’t bother you anymore.”  
“You said it yourself, love, I’m curious. And as you’re immortal too, I really wish to know with whom I’ll be everlastingly sharing the Earth. Come on, let’s have a drink upstairs. You can go back to the counter, Maze.”  
“I don’t think so. I’m not leaving you two alone until I know the truth about her.”

 Lucifer rolled his eyes with a grin.

“All right lead the way, my little overprotective demon.”

 Maze shook her head, disapproving of his tone, fending her way amidst the crowd to the elevator. A soft weight landed on my shoulder as Lucifer’s hand gently pushed me forward. His warmth spread to my heart, lighting the first flames of a path meant to grow beyond anything we could have ever foretold. We must have shared this uncanny feeling, for we exchanged the same intrigued look for a split second.

_Why not, after all? I have nothing to lose and this could pass the time._

   


Maybe this was it. The mistake. The point of no return. Coming up to the penthouse with them. Had I turned my feet at this very moment, maybe our encounter wouldn’t have changed anything. Maybe the path would have fallen back into darkness. But I did come up. I did stay. I did tell them what I was. For better or for worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> Not sure if it really is obvious, so everytime something is written in italics, it's the OC thinking for herself during the scene. ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, huge thanks to Ellie for coping with me during the beta of this chapter !  
> And thanks to Leslie for her little insight on american's idioms ;) and to Ona for the last minute beta of a little snippet XD You saved it darling! <3  
> Enjoy your reading y'all !

The next part of this story was a cornerstone in my life. When the elevator’s gate closed behind the three of us riding up to the penthouse, I didn’t realize how much would change. Even during the years to come, in the aftermath of it all, I wouldn’t realize.  
Everything seems so natural and easy around these two. Every bit of life is a fun mystery to uncover. Every challenge is a playground.  
Every grievance against us was a joke. Nothing would shatter me, not because pain was passing through me as ever, it was simply bouncing off me. I was taken by the spiral of every new game we would come up with, and we never lacked imagination! How could we with the Devil himself among us? I remember very well how carefree we were. The world could have bloody crumbled around us, we wouldn’t have noticed.  
  
Reminiscing all these events is what makes them so precious now, so special. The only exception that was immediately rooted in me as the dearest moment of my long life is what happened that night in the penthouse. That gift they unknowingly offered me. I guess if we need a start to this story, this is it. This gift was my beginning.

 

The very first thing I noticed when the elevator’s door opened was the piano.  
I couldn’t suppress a chuckle.

“Another piano? Really?” I teased him while he was heading for the bar, fetching three glasses and a bottle of scotch. A fine and expensive one by the look of it.

I stroke the black wood of the instrument with the tips of my fingers while heading to the sofa. Everything in here was so absurdly excessive and yet everything made sense. From the Assyrian antic walls to the huge library, the red silk sheets on the king size bed, not so hidden behind the stained-glass window, and the disproportionate collection of whiskey displayed behind yet another bar. I wandered a bit, genuinely curious about everything. I read few bits of the ancient writing on the walls, went through the oldest editions of famous titles, paused for a few seconds in front of the fireplace, my mind blanking, eyes mesmerized, as I got lost in the flames. When I turned back, they were both patiently observing my survey of the place, sipping their drinks, Maze sitting on the couch and Lucifer leaning his back against his piano.

“Sorry.”

 He shook his head at my apology, smiling and pointed the settee.

“Please, have a seat.”  
“Yeah, have a seat.” Maze patted the spot next to her with a mischievous grin.

 I smiled back at her with the same playful look and sat right next to her, a bit too close, enough to feel her warmth. She was growing on me. Lucifer handed me a drink and sat further away, on my other side. I sighed, losing myself in the amber liquid turning in my glass.

 “So. No sex then.”

 I rose my eyes with surprise.  _Again?_ There was true disbelief in Maze’s glance.

“That really bothers you, doesn’t it Maze?”  
“The name’s Mazikeen. What’s yours by the way?” She sharply asked.

  _Ah. Of course. The eternal question._

 “Err… I don’t have one.”

 That was the heaviest silence I’ve ever faced following this revelation. And you can easily guess how many times this happened.

“That’s ok, you can call me whatever you want. I don’t mind. I had my share of silly nicknames, I’m used to it.” I sheepishly added, trying to lighten the atmosphere.  
“How can you not have a name?” Maze was baffled.  
“Yes, I would quite like to know that too.”

 Amazement was showing in Lucifer’s features. Strangely, he looked really concerned.

“I guess nobody ever bothered to name me.” I shrugged.  
“This is preposterous!”  
“And yet…”  
“What isn’t named doesn’t exist. But still… you’re here.”

 This one hit a little too close to home. I turned back to Maze to change the subject. I didn’t want to let him know how right he was.

“What’s your problem with me not caring for sex anyway?”  
“I just don’t understand. What have you been doing all this time?”  
“Roaming the Earth. Sightseeing.” I shrugged again but I could see she needed more. “Look, you can’t miss something you’ve never had.”  
“Of course, you can!” She objected vividly.  
“Yeah, well, like I said, you kinda need to be with someone for that and I just can’t okay. I can’t be intimate with any human being.”  
“And why is that?”

Lucifer’s deep and inquisitive voice sent a shiver down my spine. I turned to him.

“They’d flee at the first thought of it. It’s too much for them. To be honest, most of the time, simply connecting with one singular being is too much for me, and I… well, somehow it reveals myself to them.”  
“You don’t need to connect with anyone to have a good shag, trust me.” Maze winked at me, a drop of lust drowning in her fierce eyes.  
“Yeah… Maybe you don’t, but it just happens when I’m around, so…” I chuckled. “Anyhow! I never got this far with anyone. The “closest” friends I made either died too soon or just turned on me when they began to find out I was… different.”  
“Will you finally spit it out?” Maze rolled her eyes with exasperation.

 I scowled at her defiantly.

“I’m not just a pretty face you know.”

 Her grin widened. A hunger for blood had substituted lust. She came so close above me, our noses almost touched. A scent of cold ashes enwrapped me as I hold my breath.

“Oh yeah? Show me your 'not-so-pretty' side, then.”  
“Down, Maze. You wouldn’t hurt her before we know, would you?”

The playful tone in Lucifer’s ringing voice matched the somewhat carnivorous smile I eyed on his features. A word, no, a sign from him and she would lash out on me. With pleasure. I could sense it in the air. The two of them really belonged together, to Hell and beyond. Although there was an inequality in this relationship that tickled me. As she drew back ever so slowly, never blinking, her gaze rooted into mine, I made up my mind. I knew I’d have to tell them in the end so there was no point in stalling more and more. What was the worst that could happen anyway? Being “destroyed” by these two would at least be something new, and I’d pop back eventually.

“All right.” I took a deep breath. “Here goes nothing.” I mumbled to myself, but I knew they heard it. “But first, let me ask you a question, Mister Morningstar.”  
“Please, call me Lucifer, honey. Shoot.” He encouraged me, raising his eyebrows.

 I considered him for a couple of seconds, trying to foresee his reaction but he stayed still, his thoughts locked away from me.

“Do you know why your Mother was sent down to Hell?”

 Clearly, none of them was expecting this. I sensed Mazikeen stiffen behind me. Lucifer’s face lost its color while a shade of burning red clouded his eyes for a split second. I withstood his gaze, patiently waiting for an answer, giving him time to process. I knew his anger wasn’t destined to me, but I admit it frightened me a bit.

“Why would I? She probably pissed Dad off again.”  
“Hasn’t She always? Have you really never wondered what the straw was that broke the camel's back?"  
“No. Never. I. Don’t. Care.”

 His voice shook with hatred, but I remained silent. I wanted him to make the link by himself.

“What do you want me to say?!” He rolled his eyes. “She probably meddled with His plans for humanity again, sent a new plague or something!”

 He shook his head, waving dismissive hands. I kept staring right at his creased features and when I finally caught his gaze I stretched a corner of my mouth in an apologetic smile.

“Hi.”

 Slowly, as he understood, his features loosen up, his eyes widened, and bewilderment grew on his face.

“You’re…” He paused. “You’re the plague?”  
“Well. Not exactly. She changed Her tactics with that last one. To that twisted mind of Hers, I’m more like a gift to humanity. But yeah, I’m the final prank you Mum played on your Dad.”  
“How are you a gift?”

 Despise for where I was from was mixed with curiosity in Maze’s voice. I glanced at her, sighed and went to lean against the coffee table to face them both, emptying my glass.

“It’s… kinda difficult to explain, I’m not sure I totally understand it myself.” I began. “In short, let’s say She wanted humanity to turn its back on Him, so He would be more present for His family. So, She gave humans a new ability. Well, reinforced an ability they already had.”  
“Which is?” Lucifer hurried me up while I was trying to find the best way to explain.  
“Dreams.”

 They both stared blankly at me.

“Okay, you lost me there.” Maze clapped her hands on her thighs, got up from the settee and went for the bottle Lucifer had left on the bar.  
“How are dreams any mean to make humanity turn on Dad?”  
“You know how your Father is all about His big plans for His universe and all? How about it shouldn’t be tampered with because its settings are so precise? How about how giving absolute free-will to one human would lead to an “apocalypse”? Pardon the pun here.”  
“Keep on…”  
“Your Mother gave humanity the ability to dream stronger. Strong enough to give shape to their dreams. To make them real, simply by believing in those dreams enough. To bring down their own miracles if you will. So, they wouldn’t need any deity to praise because having faith in themselves would be the only thing they needed to make it all real. Even the wildest dreams.”

 Maze was coming back with the bottle. Lucifer was frowning, trying to get to the bottom of my weak explanations.

“And you…?” He asked, trying to make the link.  
“That’s what I am. Technically, your Mother didn’t create me. Humanity did. I’m all their dreams gathered in one shape. All of them. Stored in me. Since the beginning. She probably just gave them a little nudge at the start and that’s all.”  
“How does this work?”  
“It’s… kind of a transforming mirror that makes you look great? One will see in me what one craves to accomplish. He will see that’s it’s possible and that’ll give him the mean to find the way by himself. They always say that I inspired them, but truly I did not. I just… I don’t know… Listen? Focus? Let’s say: I am fueled by their dreams and become an embodiment of them. And they get inspired by this mere copy of their soul I represent. It’s not even conscious. Most of the time, they just pour their dreams, their souls into me without even realizing it. That’s… That’s why I can’t be intimate with anyone. Any of them. The moment they try to get closer, they only see… a liar? Who tricked them with their own dreams to reach out for them? I’ve been called many things, and not all pleasant ones. Scarcely pleasant to be true. So… That’s that.” I turned to Maze. “That’s why I don’t have a soul. I have them all.” I shrugged weakly. “All of them. Mingled together to shape me. On the outside at least for I am… hollow inside, as we all discovered downstairs. How could I have my own desire when I’m made of everyone else’s?”

 My smile was full of irony when I reached for the bottle in Maze’s hand. I didn’t even bother to pour myself another drink. I just gulped the alcohol down, aiming to burn my throat and ease the pain that revelation brought on me.  
I felt warm hands cupping my hold on the bottle and gently pulling it away from me.

“Ease on, now, little one. This is quite a nice whiskey and it deserves better than being chugged down like that.”

 Lucifer grabbed the nearly emptied bottle and put it aside on the coffee table, eyeing it so sadly it made me chuckle softly. I didn’t even mind him treating me like a child at this point.

“Well, you know everything.”  
“Not quite. I’ve grasped the idea why Dad wouldn’t have you wandering around, being a shard in His foot, but from what you told us, you’re merely but an annoyance. Not enough for Him to have Amenadiel hunt you down as you seem to fear. I mean, there are still plenty of believers around!”

 He spun on his heels, arms open wide to make his point.

“I’ve told you.” I paused. “I’m not just a pretty face. And the job was forced on me, I never agreed to it and never tried to make it work.” I sighed. “I’ve never asked for it.”

 I looked away, unable to hold his inquisitive gaze. When the silence began to last a little too long, I glimpsed at him only to note that something had clicked in his mind. Mazikeen was frowning deeply and when she caught my glance to her, she finally said what was bothering her.

“That’s twice now you’re talking about not being just a pretty face. What the hell do you mean?”  
“I told you. I’m shaped by all of humanity’s dreams. All of them. They make me look like what I am.”  
“Yeah, and?”

 I considered her for a moment, wondering if I really should explain. If I really wanted to explain that. If I wanted to bring light to this torment I was constantly trying to muzzle.

“Oh.” Lucifer had stopped scrutinizing me. “Oooh.”

 He took a step back and returned to sit on the settee. He had finally understood the span of it all. Why his siblings would chase me as soon as they could. Why His Dad would bother to make them end me for good. Why his Mother had been sent down to Hell. I feared his gaze, I didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes but there was none. All those angels coming after me for centuries, to bring destruction upon my being, looking down on me as if I were but a pathetic sod needing to be pitied and he was not. He had grasped it all, almost, I thought, and he had no pity for me. His features were marked with intense seriousness. I think he was finishing to process all the consequences of what my existence meant.

“ _’Oh’_ , what?” Maze asked sharply eyeing us both.

 I stared deep into Lucifer’s eyes, and he blinked, nodding slightly. I stood up and faced Maze.

“Do you know what else is a dream, Mazikeen?”

 The silence went heavy again. Lucifer was looking at his feet and his demon grew impatient. She raised her hands abruptly, palms up in wonder, waiting for me to keep on. I sighed deeply, resenting my fate and looked back at her before dropping:

“Nightmares.” I swallowed. “Nightmares are dreams too. I told you: ALL of them.”  
“I don’t get it. What does that change?”  
“Everything.” Lucifer had answered before I even opened my mouth. “If she can bring reality to the sweetest dreams humanity has, she can also make their worst nightmares come true. With a power like that you either bring the best wonders to humans or be the harbinger of their doom. I’m guessing you can destroy their minds in the blink of an eye, can’t you? You truly are a plague.”  
“I wouldn’t! I would never. I told you I’ve never asked…” I clenched my teeth. “Whatever. There’s always payback of some sort anyhow, isn’t it? So why would I?”  
“I didn’t ask if you would. I asked if you could.” He raised an eyebrow.

 I stared back at him. Finally, he was like all of his brothers and sisters. The only thing that mattered was the danger I represented not what I truly intended to do with what had been given to me. Not what I was. And he… He was just another bloody angel in the end. I had been this close of opening up to them. For once, it had seemed something new could have been built there, but no. Maybe he was not another disappointing human, but he certainly was another disappointing angel. I had enough. I wanted out of here.

“Yeah. Yeah, I could. And even more than that, because guess what? You bloody angels have souls too, which means you’re dreamers as well. And it’s not so divine and pretty when you look at it. I guess your dear Mom forgot about that when She selfishly screwed me up. Anyhow, you got what you wanted, you know everything. I’m out.”

 When I tried to pass Maze on my way to the elevator, she grabbed my arm so tightly it hurt. The look in her eyes clearly stated “oh I don’t think so” even though she remained silent. Lucifer, on the other hand, raised with a deeply angered voice. Fright seized my heart when his eyes turned hellish red.

“I am NOT an angel. Never make that mistake again.”  
“So what?! You’re the Devil? You think that scares me?”

 It really did at the moment although I couldn’t grasp why, but I didn’t want to let him know.

“I can’t die anyhow, I’ll just pop back, so have your way with me if that soothes you. I don’t care anymore.”

 I dropped my gaze, giving in, not even sadden by the bitterness in my voice. I had given up on my own value long ago, I was too tired to fight for something of no worth. I waited for the blow, but it never came. Instead, Maze released me and went to the bar for another bottle. I sheepishly raised my gaze to Lucifer’s. It was dark brown again but still filled with rage. He passed me to join Maze and grabbed his own bottle. How was I still in one piece I didn’t know. Later, it came to me that Lucifer might have considered here that I was not the one to turn his wrath upon.  
He gulped two helpings of scotch and turned back to me, pouring a third one.

“So. You can fuel your… energy from celestial beings too?”  
“If they let their guard down, yes. Amenadiel learned that the hard way.” I added with a smirk. “Can I go, please?”  
“No. I’m not done with you yet.”

 He downed the third helping, poured the fourth and came back to the settee, the bottle in one hand, his glass in the other.

“What about demons?”

 Lucifer and I both looked at Maze with surprise.

“What about them?” He asked.  
“Can she fuel from demons too?” She pointed at me. “And what does that mean ‘fuel’? Do you, like, take it away from us?”  
“No. No, I told you, it’s a reflection, sharing if you will. I can’t take anything away. It’s like you’re pouring your soul into me for a moment, leaving an imprint and then you take it all back with you. But you’re the very first demon I meet, the very first other soulless being so, I don’t know. I guess nothing stops you from dreaming too, but how does that work, I wouldn’t know.”  
“Well, don’t even try with us.” Lucifer cut me sharp. “So, you can hear all of humanity’s desires, right at the moment? Constantly?”  
“Not desires, dreams. Desires are conscious even when well hidden deep down. It comes from a place of will. Dreams come from a place of feeling, they’re mostly unconscious and fade when the morning light comes even though they’re deeply anchored in one’s soul. They are the hidden hopes, the hovering despairs.” I corrected. “And I don’t really hear them, there’s too much of them, it’s like a buzzing sound in the background. I need to focus if I want to select one, and the closer I am to its owner the stronger it is. Is your curiosity satisfied, now?”

 I shivered under his intense gaze. The playful spark had started to come back on his features.

“Why do you want to leave so badly?” He asked.  
“This… just feels wrong. I shouldn’t be here, pestering you, a celestial, with my existential crisis. This is nuts.” I shook my head. “I said celestial, not angel!” I quickly added when he took a sharp breath.  
“And why wouldn’t you? I am no insider for my bloody family. The further from them I stand, the better, thank you very much! I think you’re quite at the right place to whine on them, honey. So please, be my guest!”

 I looked at him, dubious.

“Listen, I get it, a whole bunch of my siblings have been harassing you since the beginning of time, but I assure you I am nothing like them. I am simply curious to the extent of your abilities. Truth be told, for once I think my Mother might have done a good thing.” He painfully smiled at this last thought.  
“Okay.” I finally replied after a while.  
“Okay?” He repeated.  
“I believe you.”  
“Whatever do you mean? I never lie, you know.”  
“Sure.” I shrugged, raising protest on his features, but I added quickly. “I’ll take the leap of faith, and trust that I can rely on you. That is… If you still want to help me find this answer you’re so sure I should have.”  
“I know you have one.” He smiled, all shining teeth. “Will you let me help you then? Because that means you’ll have to stay around.” He waggled his eyebrows.  
“What would you get from this?” I chuckled.  
“Aah, I’ve been promised quite a unique night, if I remember correctly? I might even add, a dreamy one.”

 I gaped at the pun, unsettled by his crude honesty and burst into laughter when he waggled his eyebrows again. Maze rolled her eyes, but I spotted her grin.

“Hm? So, what do you say?” He asked me, rising up from the settee to hand me a new glass. “Will you stay around? I think Maze would be happy too, she wanted us to ‘keep you’ after all.” He sipped from his drink. “We’ll have some fun!”  
“Thank you, Mister Morningstar. Lucifer.” I corrected when he frowned. “Truly. But I can’t stay. Specifically here of all places. Your brother will find out eventually and we can’t have that. None of us.”  
“Let me deal with Amenadiel. I’ll give him enough Hell for him to have no time for you. I’m quite good at that, after all.”  
“Because you’re the Devil.”  
“I am.” He grinned joyfully.  
“I know you are. And I have no doubt that you can handle Amenadiel. But still…”  
“Listen, honey.” He put down his glass and mine and seized my hands in his. His warmth spread again inside my blood. “Let’s make a new deal. I’ll protect you, so you can stay here and “alive”. After all, we need you alive to find that deepest desire of yours.”  
“Okay… but what do you get from it?”  
“I have you around. I mean, if you hold your end of the bargain, I will have no choice but to fulfill mine and find your desire. And for that, I need you here. And you…” He paused with a mischievous grin. “…will have no choice but to stay.”

 I stared at him, half-amused, half-bewildered.

“You really wanna have sex with me, right? All of this for a shag? I don’t believe it.”  
“It’s fuuun, honey!”  
“I get it. It’s just a new game for you.”  
“What’s wrong with that? Moreover if it can piss Dad off, I’m always all in.”

 His candid smiles were easily shared, and I found myself beaming at him without any reason.

“Sure. Why not after all?” I thought out loud, rolling my eyes.  
“Deal?” He held out his hand.  
“Deal.” I shook it, sharing his exuberant smile. “Although…” I held his hand back. “There’s one last thing about me you should know. Or… see.”

 I released his hand and took a few steps back, eyeing Maze.

“You were wondering about the “not just a pretty face” stuff. Well, it’s more than just words or a metaphorical picture. But since you already know… you might as well know this too. I, err… I try to hide that as much as I can because… Well, because it’s frightful and I hate it. But it’s who I truly am under the illusion so… I’m sorry.”  
“Sorry for what, love?” Lucifer smiled with concern.  
“Sorry for this.”

 I took another step back, looked at my feet, sighed and closed my eyes. Then, I stopped focusing on fueling from the bright side of humanity’s dreams and let it all come back to its regular state. I dropped the illusion and showed them my true shape. The one I loathed. I heard Maze suck in a breath behind my back. Then she slowly came to me, walked around me to face me. I raised my resigned gaze to her shocked eyes. Her hand was hovering near what was left of my right cheek. No doubt she daren’t touch it.

“You are…”  
“Monstrous.” I ended for her. “I know.”

 I looked down, I didn’t dare to face Lucifer’s eyes.

“Beautiful.”

 I looked back at her, dumbfounded.

“Are you blind?”  
“You can trust Maze on this. She is certainly not blind.”

 Lucifer was still smiling, softly, like there was no big deal here but he understood how important it was to me. How could they accept this so easily? Lust was even back in Maze’s eyes! Confusion took over. I turned to the polished piano, closest thing to a mirror in the room, to check my features.  
And she was there, looking back at me, that reflection I carried. As always, my left side was okay, pale white smooth skin, tiny white pearls as teeth between red plump lips, a greenish shimmering eye and a cascade of dark chocolate brown wavy hair with auburn highlights running down my back to reach under my hips. But the right side… It was a wreck. The teeth were charred as was most of my skin when it was not ripped and butchered. The pupil was clouded with a dull white while blood surrounded it. There was almost no lips left as half my face was missing, hair were scarce and blotted in a somewhat viscous and dark liquid. I looked down at my right hand where nails were missing and broken bones visible under the black cracked skin. This rotten appearance kept going to my very toes. Half my body was so damaged, oozing with a half-dried dirty blood, I’ve always wondered how it was still working. This was truly a dreadful vision.

“Honey.” Lucifer called. “Stop freaking out. We all have not-so-pretty faces here.”  
“But… It’s not just my face…” I turned back to him, raising my bad hand to my devastated features. “It’s my whole body. Half of it at least.”

Even my voice had gone raucous. As if air was spilling out of my lungs and throat before arriving in my mouth. He took a few steps to join us and wrapped his arm around Maze’s shoulders, leveling down to our heights.

“I guess you’re really half and half then. Half dreamy, half nightmarish. But that’s something my dear demon here knows well, right Maze? Show her.”

They exchanged a meaningful glance and when she turned back to me, I gasped. There it was. The deviousness hidden behind the gorgeous looks. Now I saw where the demon was. I reached for her face with my damaged hand, stopping before touching her. It was as if I was facing a mirrored surface again. Her burnt features had kept their defying nature.

“See? You’re beautiful. To us at least.” She insisted.

I dropped my hand and made a rasping sound that wanted to be a sigh.

“You are. It suits you, it’s your nature, right? You wear it well. And it’s only your face… My side changes all the time, going from worse to worst. I have no control over it. Sometimes, it spreads all over, it’s an everyday struggle to keep it hidden.” I swallowed painfully. “This was imposed on me. I feel like a gauge. Wanna know the state of humanity at the moment? Just look at me! I’ll show you how vile they are! It’s all displayed on me!” I scoffed with sarcasm. “That’s… not what I want to be.”

I felt a bitter tear of blacken blood manage its way down through my distorted features. Lucifer’s fingers caught it before it fell to the ground. He had passed his arm over Maze’s head and came right in front of me. There was no more smile on his face. I dropped my gaze in shame. I felt like a capricious, always complaining child.  
A shiver shook my entire body when I felt his hand resting on my damaged cheek, his fingers slipping inside my dirty hair, his thumb stroking softly my broken temple, raising my face to his. His warm touch felt like a burn on my ever-so-cold skin. I stiffened, widening my eyes, struck with a meddle of horror, disgust and confusion. Why would he disgrace himself by touching that?

“What are you doing?” I exhaled in another rasp.

He frowned slightly, puzzled, but his hand never left my face.

“What do you mean?”

I stammered inaudible sounds, looking down at his hand, completely lost between the sudden warmth swelling my heart, coming from his considerate gesture and the reality of the monstrosity I was. Maze answered him indirectly, realizing for all of us what I had buried deep enough to forget.

“No one has ever touched you before.”  
“What?” I frowned.  
“I don’t mean sex. I mean at all. No one has ever touched you at all. Right?”  
“I’ve… shaken hands.” I answered hesitantly, still troubled by Lucifer’s hand that wouldn’t part from me.

She looked mortified. Hell’s first torturer looked mortified at my fate as if even her would reluctantly impose that on someone. But it was quite understandable and natural that I shouldn’t be touched by anyone considering…

My thoughts were interrupted by Lucifer’s soft voice.

“Come here.”

He slipped his hand behind my head and pulled me towards him, enwrapping me in his arms, holding me against his chest. I felt his chin resting on top of my head while he was brushing my back gently. His warmth exploded in my heart. I could hear his, beating quietly under his now blood tainted shirt. Somewhere deep down, something broke inside of me. I never thought I had been longing this bad for someone to just hold me. I quivered, barely hearing Maze’s distant voice.

“It’s okay to hug him back, you know.”

But I was paralyzed. My mind and feelings were a mess. The only thing I knew was that I never wanted him to go away because it would ravage me for good. I buried my nose in the buttons of his shirt, breathing his scent, a mixed perfume of musky cologne and hot ashes. He stopped his caress and simply held me tight, giving me time to adjust to the situation. Ever so slowly, I raised my hands to his sides, terrified he would break this embrace if I touched him. But he stayed still, patiently waiting for me to respond. To make the move that will say this is okay. But it was so not okay. It was overwhelming. Heartbreaking and mending at the same time.  
When my fingers finally clung to his shirt, under the back of his jacket, I squeezed it so hard I feared I had torn the fabric. I would never let go of him ever again. Millenia of desolation, all of my emptiness, falling down behind me, swept away by a single gesture while I was hanging on to him so desperately. The everlasting darkness surrounding me had been blown away by his blinding light. I could barely breathe. This wasn’t registering in my mind. This must have been just another overwhelming dream by some silly human down in Lux. It couldn’t be happening. Not to me. Not directly. It made no sense at all. Why would any other being acknowledge my existence for itself like that?  
But it was real. It kept happening, for Lucifer wasn’t letting me go. He wasn’t moving at all apart for his regular and shallow breaths. I didn’t even know what was disturbing me the most. To actually feel someone under my touch or to sense his touch against my body. I kept questioning every sense I had but they were all telling me the same. Someone was actually holding me in his arms, touching my skin, pressing softly my body against his. For the very first time in my whole life, I felt real. Like actually in this world. Belonging. Existing for who I was and not for someone else’s soul.  
I wanted to cry but my eyes remained as dry as the desert. I was shocked. I couldn’t even blink. The huge weight of relief that was squeezing my chest wouldn’t go out and express itself. I was suffocating. It was ironically Maze’s pat on my back that ended my self-torture and allowed me to vent all these feelings.

“You okay, girl?”

I took a sharp breath, finally closing my eyes filling with tears and nodded vigorously against Lucifer’s chest, unable to mumble a single word. The three of us stayed like that for a little while, Maze’s hand on my back, Lucifer’s arms around my waist and shoulders, and me, clinging to his back, sobbing silently in his shirt. I don’t know how long it lasted. To me, it felt like hundreds of years, but it was probably less than a half-minute.  
Finally, Maze left my back and I felt Lucifer’s hands coming up to my cheeks, raising my head to face him. He brushed away my last tears with his thumbs. A small comforting smile was drawn on his features. There was so much to explain, to discuss about my reaction and their unexpected sympathy. I didn’t know where to start but he simply closed the subject by opening another one.  
I guess that to him, things were as they were and there was no need for tiring debates. He has always been the most tolerating being I have ever met, accepting whole situations without any need for explanations. This was who I was, and he was going along with it. And so was Maze.

“Well. Now that we are back to our previous deal, there’s one last point to settle.”

He strokes my right cheek with the back of his fingers and softly pulled out of our embrace to reach for yet another bottle at the bar. My heart broke a little when we parted. His touch had been way to soft for my bad side, so I looked at my hand to discover I had gone back to my usual united in a normal appearance self. Puzzled, I turned back to both of them who were leaning on the counter while Lucifer was pouring three new glasses. Switching back so easily to softer looks was quite unusual. Basking in their compassionate feelings must have done it provided that they were compassionate feelings… That was only a guess really.

“One last point?” I asked sheepishly, surprised by my own small voice.

His smile widened as he raised his glass to sip it.

“Now that you are staying, we need to find you a name.”

I looked at them, dumbfounded.

“No, you don’t. You really don’t.”  
“Yeah, we do.” Maze nodded. “He can’t keep calling you ‘honey’ all the time.”  
“Why not?” Lucifer protested as if someone had abruptly deprived him of a sweet. Or alcohol in his case.

Maze rolled her eyes and brought me my drink.

“I am not calling you ‘honey’. We need to find you a good name. One that would also piss off his Dad. After all, They didn’t bother to name you, so let’s find something that’ll make Them remember this terrible mistake forever.” A wicked grin lightened her features. “What do you think, Lucifer?”  
“I agree. If you really want to piss Him off, we just need to find some kind of angelic name, finishing in ‘ael’ or ‘ieal’ as she isn’t one. Even though Mom made you.” He added with the same wicked smile.  
“Or something that comes from other deities made up by humans? Like another mythology?”  
“Well, in the old Greek mythology, dreams were sometimes personified as divinities called ‘Oneiros’, that would be quite the blow.”  
“I wouldn’t know how to pronounce that.” Maze scoffed. “Let me see… Hmm… Onero, Oniro, Onerio, Oniria…” Her features suddenly lit up. “ONIRIAEL!” She exclaimed, slapping my back, pleased with herself.

I frowned, amused. They were totally in their new game of finding me a name, leaving me out although I was the one involved. She wrapped my shoulders with her arm, awaiting Lucifer’s opinion with a huge smile.

“It’s perfect.”

He looked a tad too happy for me to believe there was nothing mischievous in his statement.

“It’s just a name, how could it be ‘perfect’?” I asked, dumbly according to the glance he gave me.  
“Short for ‘Oniriael’ is…?”

Maze and I exchanged a puzzled look and stared back at him.  _Oni?_

“I can keep calling you ‘Oney’ all the time!”

I gaped at him.  _He didn’t… This is so silly…_  And he looked so happy and proud of his pun!  
Maze’s arm fell down in my back. She emptied her glass in one go and handed it to me before heading to the elevator.

“I’m out.” She bluntly dropped as if she was done with his shit.  
“Come on, Maze! It’s brilliant!”

The contrast between Lucifer’s utmost happiness and Maze’s exasperated stare made me burst into laughter. I laughed and laughed until I couldn’t catch my breath anymore. I went to lean on the bar, putting down the two glasses, for I was unable to stand up. Who could have guessed the Devil was so adorably childish?

“It’s so silly!” I managed, still laughing.

I took a glimpse of Maze who was coming back to the bar, a faint smile of surrender on her features as if my laughter was approval of Lucifer’s foolishness.

“Should we take it that you like it?” He asked joyfully, his pristine teeth all shiny under the dim lights of the penthouse.  
“I love it.” I grinned back, unable to resist his communicative delight.

At this exact moment, I really didn’t care for it. I was simply glad they wanted to give me some kind of official appellation but what mattered most was the cheerfulness with which they had come up with it. This name… My name began to truly matter just shortly after. Thanks to Lucifer’s final gift. The one I never expected and the one he never realized was one. Or so I believe.

“Well, then.”

He turned around the bar to face me closer and waggled his eyebrows.  _What on Earth is he planning?_  He dipped his fingers in his glass and sprinkled some whiskey on my brow.

“What the…?!”  
“By the powers that were mine as the Lord of Hell, I name thee… Oniriael.” He paused for a split second, choosing his words. “For thee to bear and honor thy name until the very end.”

He was suddenly so serious, I glanced to Maze in wonder, but she shrugged.

“Which is not likely to come to you any time soon, so you’ll have to prove yourself up to it.” He added, resuming his lighter tone.  
“Well… Welcome to our world, Oniriael.”  
“Thanks… Mazikeen.” My grin was still baffled.  
“Call me Maze.” She winked at me.

_Did I just get baptized with whiskey, by the Devil himself?! What the Hell?!_

That exclamation was appropriate. What a way to mock every symbolism his Dad cared about!

“Thank you.” My voice was too heavy with gratitude, so I added, taunting him a little. ‘My Lord’.”

I grinned, biting my lower lip at his pouting face. Behind his back, Maze rose her glass to me with another wink.

“Very well. If you want to play it that way, let your ‘Lord’ ask one more thing from you tonight.”

I frowned.  _Already? With Maze around? Shouldn’t we like… talk about it before? This is all new to me, all right, but… isn’t it a tad too forthcoming_? I crossed my arms without realizing.

“Darling?” He called. “I’m not talking about your end of the deal. We’ll have plenty of time for that. You can resume breathing.” He teased me.

I scowled myself internally.  _Why does it even matter to me? It’s nothing but another carnal need anyway. There’s no big deal about it._ Well, there was. Because this meant being in contact with another being, to say the least. And I was clearly not used to that.  
I put on a good face, pretending I didn’t see what he was referring to.

“Sure. What do you want?”

He considered me from all his height before dropping.

“I want you to promise me that you will NEVER, ever try to meddle with my dreams. Whatever they are. You keep to yourself and we’ll be good.”

I could almost hear the threat in his calm voice. I shrugged. At this moment, it was a pointless thing to ask me. As a celestial, his soul was hard to reach anyway, and he seemed pretty good at keeping to himself. It was an easy promise, I didn’t really mind about it and gave my word without further ado. Another mistake, obviously. Although, it seemed to satisfy him enough to go back to lighter subjects.

The three of us kept chatting through the night, emptying one bottle after another, sharing the weirdest experiences we’d had with humanity yet until it couldn’t be said if it was late or early. We went from the bar to the settee again and Lucifer had stopped by the piano and had lazily been toying with the keys for the past hour, improvising new melodies, giving his opinion from time to time when Maze and I came up with a subject he fancied. A thin column of smoke rose from the glass ashtray in front of him. The opened bay windows let slip a breeze of chilling air carrying the muffled scents of the deep night. I was thoughtlessly listening to one of Maze’s vivid stories about her time in Hell, simply enjoying the passion in her voice and the raindrops of music notes coming from the piano.  
This evening had been the biggest rollercoaster of feels I’ve ever had. And little did I knew that this was but the mere beginning of our life together. Oh, the heights we reached were as high as the pits we fell into were deep. Lucifer and I never could keep it together! This still warms my heart though, for our most violent arguments went hand-in-hand with the most incredible sharing moments.  
But for this night, I was simply still baffled to have been properly given a name. I knew this ceremony had been nothing but a scam, a joke and yet, for millennia until now, nothing had made me feel more real. For the first time in my life, someone had officially recognized my existence to be worth enough to be named and thus anchored in this world. Lucifer had been right. “What isn’t named doesn’t exist.” If you can’t speak about something, if you silence it’s very existence by denying it an appellation, if there is no one to assess it, to remember about it, then it has no reality. And thus… no worth, no point. And it begins to wonder if it should even be here. If it’s nothing else but mere dust, being invisibly carried away by the flows of time. Maze and Lucifer, tonight, had pulled me out of the dust, stopped the flows and gifted me the right to live.

 

From this moment on, I guess the damage was already done and that nothing could have prevented the three of us from becoming closer. But was there still a chance that everything could have ended differently?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that Oni will still intrigue you, now you know more about her! <3


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